Jean's Big Ass Blog!

Blog Entry #8                      

   What's your BIG ASS fear?

Mine is that one day, I'll recognize my ass

 on the WALMARTIANS Website!! 

Like THIS Poor Woman

or THIS One!

OR DEAR GOD - THIS ONE!!!

It could happen you know. I shop at Walmart on occasion. At 3am. In my pajamas. And slippers...that look sorta like shoes (if you squint from 5 aisles away).  And on more than one occasion, I've seen those Walmartians wearing clothes that I own! This also happens on the VERY RARE occasions that I watch HOARDERS on TLC, Tuesdays and Wednesdays back to back from 1-9pm.  Yeah - I've actually said "Oh, I have one (or more) of those" out loud!

And there my friends, is the ugly beginning of the end. The BIG FAT END! If I ever see my big ass on the WALMARTIANS website, kiss my big ass GOODBYE! I won't be able to go on. And just so the end is not without some joy, I'll be sure to eat every Big Mac and fries I can get my hands on before I off myself with a ham sandwich, like the late, great, Mama Cass Elliot.  And I'll do it on a Monday Monday in her honor.

I always wonder if these poor people recognize themselves and what their reactions must be if they do.  Are they mortified or are they sitting in their double-wide trailer, proudly summoning their COUSBANDS - "Hey, Bubba! Get over here! I'm on the TV!"?  Who knows! All I know is that I never want to be one of those unfortunate, fashion-nasties. 

Then again, I used to think these were sizzling hot looks ...

Would you like my syrup on yo pancakes?

     

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi (ce soir)?

I can take dictation and snorkel in this outfit.

Well, at least I had a small ass back then. That's the only reason you are seeing these pics now. You know what? I thought I was FAT back then. Each and every time. It's a shame, isn't it?

Whether you're an actor or not, women seldom feel good enough. We rarely feel free enough to say "I'm good enough" or "I'm perfect, exactly as I am."  No matter how many times you hear those consoling compliments from friends, there is always that nagging doubt that they are being honest. Every day is an audition.  Every day is a chance to feel less than. It's a cruel reality for women of a certain age, but especially for female actors of a certain age.  Yet, if your greatest joy is to perform, you keep at it, hoping that your talent doesn't go to waste. Hoping that people will see that you have more to offer because of your age and experience, not make you feel diminished by it. 

It must be late because I'm getting more and more maudlin. I'm also frustrated because I can't seem to get a straight answer about the call back I did last week. For Crissake! Did I get it or not?! Why have I had to ask about the casting decision 3 times already, only to receive cryptic replies that say nothing?  It's OK! You can tell me! I'm taking 1,000 supplements -  you can't kill me, no matter how many times you say "NO"!

I think I'll take my frustrations out on my closet and burn those "GOLDDIGGA" sweat pants of mine.

Good Night.