Blog Entry #1
If you're reading this I assume you already know me and don't need some long story about how being Lebanese American made me fat. If you don't know me, that's the whole story. Being Lebanese American made me fat. The same goes for anyone who is Italian American, Greek American, French American, Lithuanian American and your ethnicity here American. The citizens of most other countries are typically NOT fat. It's the American part that gets us.
Lamb kabobs, tabbouleh, fresh green beans and rice are not meant to be followed by Little Debbie Twinkies! And ya know what? Taking them off the market is patronizing bullshit at this stage of the game.
TV dinners, Lipton soup with grilled American cheese, pot pies and city chicken were also Zarzour family favorites, but I promise you that I don't blame my parents for any of my current weight challenges. It's the way it was, and would still be if I had my way. I LOVE those foods and probably always will (accept the TV dinners. I was even a little skeptical at age 6) Miraculously, I was a very healthy, well proportioned woman for the first 40ish years of my life. I worked out for fun and profit. I taught everything from dance to movement classes and anything in between that was fitness related, from England to Cleveland. I was a rock! I had an athletes body with a careless mind. I was a vegetarian for about a month back in the 80's but gave that up along with the man who suggested it.
So, like yours, my life's had it's ups and downs. Where my weight is concerned, it's been mostly up. I've gained 60 lbs in the past 9 years, even with great aerobic jobs like Menopause: The Musical for 2 years. None of that hollerin' and hoofin' counter acted the enormous amount of chocolate and post show dinners we (6 female actors) consumed. We were encouraged to eat big to stay at a minimum of size 12 (never thought of that as PLUS sized, but there you go) Our generous producers plied us with chocolate covered everything and we all devoured it. I bit Paula Kline-Messners chocolate covered finger once by accident. Or was it?
Yep, 60 lbs later and I haven't looked back, unless it was to see "What the hell keeps following me?!" Only to discover it was my BIG ASS!
I hate being over weight, mostly because I feel so undesirable to every part of my world; personally and professionally. What? you thought I was going to say "because it's bad for my health"? Sure that's true, but let's get real, as much as I'd love to feel the way I did at 20, I need more love and more work at my current, sage age.
So, here I am. 53 7/8 years old, with a few unhappy relationships, lots of acting/teaching jobs that I'm proud of and many lame diet attempts that I am NOT proud of - but not defeated!
Why am I reporting this so publicly? Because there is a lot more to this "experiment". I have been a thin "hotty" and a fat "sweaty" and while I know it shouldn't matter, I know which is better for me mind, body and soul. I want to share my experience in order to reach out to other men and women in my position in hopes that we all come to finally say "I'm worth the effort".
When I was younger and thinner I'd hear wolf whistles and shout outs like "Hey baby! Let ME give you a workout!" among other "compliments". In the past few years I've been called a "fat bitch" by angry drivers, "a lot of woman" by men twice my size, and told "honey, it isn't your personality that keeps you from dating. It's your weight!" by a family member. These comments have been great reasons to say F__K YOU to all of them, while biting into a corned beef sandwich. With mustard. Maybe horseradish. Definitely fries. I also worked a lot more back then. OK, maybe being thinner would not trump my old age, but I don't think so. I think I would land many more gigs at a smaller size. There just aren't that many roles for larger, middle aged women. Being middle aged is tough enough.
I read Fat Is A Feminist Issue back in the 70's, when I was thin. I got it intellectually, but NOW I get it in my bones and lots of fleshy parts. If you haven't read it. Do. It's still very relevant. There is much more complexity to keeping weight on than there is in putting it on in the first place.
So, if you are like me, struggling to keep your identity, dignity, femininity and sense of humor in good health, I hope you'll follow “Jean's Big Ass Blog!” regardless of your size. It's a way to keep ME accountable/self aware and YOU relating, laughing, crying and then laughing again.
2 days ago, I started taking Green Coffee Bean extract introduced by my new boyfriend, Dr. Oz. I weighed myself when I started and I can report that as of this morning I lost 2 pounds! I have only seen this sort of result with juicing, which I plan to start again. (for those interested, I bought 2 bottles of the Nutrigold brand on Amazon. At $28.00 per bottle of 90, it was the best price for one with the Svetol brand ingredient) If I stay on this path of weight loss, exercise is sure to follow. Maybe not the way I used to, but some is better than none at all.
Signing off for now. I have a date with a pot of turmeric tea. It's great for regulating your glycemic index (ya know - yo Sugah!) and it tastes not-so-completely-horrible if you add a mint tea bag to it. MMMMMM!
