Blog Entry #6.               The Call Back Diet                                   

Don't judge me. There are times when you just have to reward yourself for a job, possibly, well done.  Today, I had the opportunity to do a call back for the play I auditioned for last week. I'll find out just how "well done" a job I did in a week or so, when they make their casting decisions. In the meantime,  I am very happy to have auditioned twice for a play as meaty and funny as this one, for a director with a very impressive resume, whom I'd never met prior to the first audition. When all of that is on the table, it's time for a mini celebration - in the form of chocolate. And only ONE piece of chocolate!

Proud of me? Don't be. I found that one piece of chocolate in the Barcalounger while fiendishly hunting for that #$%&! nail polish that I wore at the first audition! (pant, sweat, stub toe, pant some more)

YAY! I found the nail polish and went to the coveted  call back!

I think all that frustration is worthy of a piece of chocolate, don't you? You can bet your life that if there were 2 or 3 or 10 pieces of chocolate I likely would have eaten them all. So, it was a big ass deal that I waited until I got home to eat that one stinking piece of chocolate! I also had a glass of wine. I only have a drink at home when I have company, and after auditions or performances, to "come down", as it were. Yes sir, I can finally kick off my sensible shoes, cut myself out of my Spanx, open that ONE piece of chocolate and consume the remaining calaries for the day in the form of a crisp, unpretentious but formidable for it's vintage, white wine.

Now, let's review the audition. Like many actors, I question every choice I make at the call back.  Mainly because it's my last chance to get the role. That's it. But deep down I know it's pointless to bother with doubts because whatever I think worked or didn't work could be miles off from what the director thought worked or didn't work.  On top of that, this very nice, young, organized director with a very impressive resume, was very hard to read. He had me read 1 scene with 1 other actor and 1 monologue from the play. That's it and no 2nd reads on either. In and out in about 8 minutes. (insert sex joke here) Just like the first audition.

So, the question becomes - Was I released early because he loved me and didn't need to see any more from me? Or was I released early because he hated me and didn't want to see any more from me? Ooooh, yeah. It's like that. It's even worse at times, but I don't want to scare you off.  Some of this neurotic musing is designed to entertain you, and some is real. You'll never know which is which. That's all the power I have at the moment and I'm holding on to it.

This level of doubt does not happen as frequently for other experienced actors who audition 5 or more times per week in New York, Chicago or LA. Those actors are auditioning for stage, film, television and radio on a regular basis. Well, let's just say, they audition much more often than actors in Cleveland, anyway. If they are really good, well known for their work and connected, they barely have time to obsess about auditions. Those of us in the hinter lands take our opportunities to heart. And after the audition, we have to live among the close knit acting community, hoping we can survive the let down until the next loin-girding opportunity.

So, after a piece of chocolate and a glass of wine, the next logical thought is - "I was FANTASTIC! Why do I doubt myself? Silly, magnificent Diva!"  Then I slap myself, get into my prettiest jammies and re-paint my nails that I smudged rushing out the door earlier. 

It really was a pretty triumphant day in small measure. While hunting for that damned nail polish, I found that 1, precious piece of creamy, Hershey's milk chocolate "Nugget", sprinkled with shards of almonds...and toffee and wrapped in shiny gold foil, like a miniature bar of 24K gold, glistening in the dusty darkness of my milk chocolate brown, leather Barcalounger recliner.  *sigh*   Why couldn't there have been TWO pieces of chocolate? 

Um...what was I talking about?  OH! Not only did I find the piece of chocolate, I ALSO FOUND THE REMOTE CONTROL THAT WAS MISSING FOR 2 WEEKS! WOOHOO! You'd have thought I found an entire bag of that chocolate when I found that thing. It happens to be the color of dark chocolate.    

   If only it could change this...                         and this...                               and this.....

      

and MY BIG ASS!     Maybe I need D batteries.  Maybe Ron Popeil will invent something.  Hurry Ron.

Ah well, maybe the remote can't magically change my unwanted parts. I am lucky to have found 2 out of 3 things that I needed today. Everything but my cat. My Weirdo. If he had come home today would my good lucky mojo have expired, making it impossible to be rewarded with my cat and an acting role? Is that how it works? I used to be a fairly 'glass half full' sort of person. I used to be fairly giddy while everyone else in the room was jaded, cynical and full of fear, and I used to wonder "what happened to those people to make them so insecure?" Now    I know. They were aging, gaining weight and searching for the one source of affection that has suddenly disappeared.

Look, I  know I'm being ridiculous. I know that I'm a very fortunate woman in many ways. 1. I have a loving family. Well - it's large enough to do the rounds and stay in one place just long enough before things get too ugly, anyway. 2. I have a large handful of loyal friends. I used to have more friends, but I don't need a lot of friends. I need loyal ones. 3. In one form or another, I do what I love for a living.  4. I work from home...hell ...5. ...I HAVE a home!  6. I have my health...mostly. And 7. I have the privilege of being fat enough to go on a diet while much of the world is starving. 

Did you know that there are roughly 7 billion people in the world? With an estimated 925 million being under-fed/under-nourished (13.1 percent), that means almost 1 in 7 people are hungry on a daily basis.  Sobering information as I sip my $6 wine.

So, at the end of this day, and every day, I know how fortunate I am to be a whiny actor who just had an opportunity, a meal and a glass of wine. 

I know it's all ridiculous on many levels, but as long as I'm here, playing in this sand box, I'm going to have my occasional gripes about how often I get to play and when I can get the prettiest bucket. HA! See what I did there? Bucket - aka butt, ass, derriere! oooookay, i'm finished.

Ya know, typing to you makes me feel better. The wine helps too. I can now put my audition, my remote and my fears in their proper place - for now.

Damn - Where is that cat? 

Blog Entry #5

The Lost Cat Diet for Weirdos!

My cat, Weirdo, has been missing since the coldest day in Cleveland's history, Tuesday, 1/22/13. So, this entry is more therapeutic than informative or inspirational. 

To those who are wondering "why would you let your cat out in this weather...or at all...and without a collar/tags?!" I hear you. I have tried to get him to wear a collar since I've had him. He was an orphan when he came to my home, already neutered and crying like a little kid "I need a home, damn it!" I took him in without hesitation. He was too adorable for words and let me pick him up immediately.


As for the collar attempts, he has lost every one that I put on him. I tried the flea collar with tag, the manly black collar, a red collar with a bell...you name it, he hated it. The same went for my cat Wacko. He was also an indoor/outdoor cat and never wanted a collar, but unlike Weirdo, he never stayed away this long and certainly not in this weather. Add to that, when Weirdo wants to go out, it's a fight to the finish! He stomps all over my printer, my phone and anything that has buttons and beeps, turns on and off or talks to him. It's so annoying that I eventually give in. I keep thinking "he must have some serious kitty business out there!" I believe in individual freedoms, for man and beast. Now I wish I didn't.

It's been a sad few days. I am exhausted and yet uplifted by the process of looking for him. People from every walk of my life, as well as complete strangers, have been helping me search on facebook, Craig's List, TV stations, and even friends with psychic abilities.  I'm deeply grateful to you all.

It's awesome to see 2 legged creatures' capacity to care for 4 legged creatures.  I am so in love with my cats, some say that I should spend time on the couch of a friendly professional.  But this sort of love is nothing new to people with pets. They get it, especially single people with pets. To us, they are the children we didn't have, and in some cases, the children we wished we had instead of the one's we have. The children who we can count on for unconditional love - well, as long as we feed them. But, barring any unusual cruelty, cats will love you no matter what, as long as you feed, shelter and love them.

My way of loving is not for all cats! So, the cat that comes back to me (which is ALL of them) is a special breed.  I kiss, bite, squeeze and chew on any part they will tolerate. Believe it or not, they come back every time, accept for Tuesday, 1/22/13. I was very busy preparing for an audition; trying to print my resume, (frustrated because my wireless printer isn't making the connection) rehearsing the monologue I was given to perform, and deciding what to wear. I was feeling great accept for the printer situation. Nothing was more important than that audition - not even whether or not I let Weirdo outside that day.

I finally found a pic and resume that I had in a folder, so I didn't need to print one. I got dressed and left the house at about 8pm. I was so focused on this audition that I didn't even eat until very late in the day, at about 5pm. I was focused. I wasn't hungry.

After the audition which went well and very fast, I drove around my old neighborhood (see my last blog entry, 1/23/13) So, I didn't get home until 10pm. When I got home I realized that Weirdo wasn't home. I looked high and low in my house, called him out of the front and back doors, called my neighbors and posted a notice on facebook. I stayed up all night, lying on the couch in hopes that he'd come to the window as he always does, scratching and meowing so I'll let him in. It's a glorious feeling to see that sweet face, so eager to come back inside to fight with Pukha and snuggle (put up with) me.

He never appeared. I posted on lost pet sites and Craig's List. I posted fliers in 50 mailboxes and called 4 Vets/Animal Hospitals and shelters in the area. I can't sleep well and I'm not remotely hungry.  I have consumed less than 1200 calories in 2 days.

That's my diet- Stress over the loss of my sweet kitty. I feel so guilty for not paying attention to where he was that day. He is so lovable, maybe someone took him in out of the freezing cold. After all, that's how I found him - wandering around, meowing for a new home. 

He was there when my other cat, Wacko, was dying. Here is a pic of him comforting Wacko. I was there to see them laying together, and video taped them as he put his left paw on Wacko. I think I cried for a solid hour. These animals have intelligence, humor and empathy. Why wouldn't anyone want that sort of calming influence in their home?

I keep hearing things that sound like him scratching and meowing, but nope - not him. I even heard loud knocking this morning, so I jumped out of bed, nearly breaking my leg. I ran to the door, but there was no one there and no footprints or paw prints in the new snow that fell on my porch that morning.

I can't imagine how people who have missing children have the will to go on. It's torture enough losing a pet that you love and get so much love from.

I will say this though -  I don't have much of an appetite. I don't recommend this diet.

Trying out my new camera during the first snow, 2012.

Blog Entry #4

TODAY'S BIG ASS-FFIRMATION!

However, today THIS is exactly how I felt.   You see, early yesterday I got a request to audition for a hilarious play at a local theater. The part is deliciously wicked and touching, and the Broadway production got rave reviews across the board. I had nothing during the day, so I read the play and went to the audition last 

  night at 8:45 pm. 

Well, the director loved me. The artistic director loved me. Hell, even I loved me!  I felt like a new woman. I felt perfect for the part. I felt alive. I felt funny (good funny, not "why is the room spinning" funny) I felt THIN! (psychologically speaking)

Now don't misunderstand, it isn't just the call that made me so happy, it was the loving, sage, brilliant advice that I got from my dear friend, Tom, an actor who I trust with all my heart. I called him after I got the call to audition. He worked under the same director in his last production.

Tom knows how I've been longing for a juicy role. It's been a while for me, but as he said, "we all have our down phases".  I've been in a rather down phase where theatre roles are concerned for about 2 years. I usually get to do  1 or 2 plays per year. The past 2 years I've been the 1st runner up on a number of auditions. No flowers. No sash. No kiss from Donald Trump. (I could live without that icky moment forever, by the way!)

Is it because I'm an Equity actor and there are not as many contracts out there for women? Sure, but in the mind of an aging, "plus sized" actor, it's because "I'm too fat!" or "I screwed up my last audition and now they hate me!" or "I'm too fat!"  Hmm. I already said, that didn't I? Yeah, that's because when you're fat, you're certain that's the real reason you weren't cast. It's a mess but it's the truth. If you are an actor reading this (ANY actor of ANY size) you know what I'm talking about.

Every actor is sure they are too fat at any given time in their career. When you actually ARE fat, it's a double whammy because when you walk into an audition, you and everyone there is wondering the same thing - "Is this character's size going to matter in this production?"  I promise you that the actor in the room is far more worried about that than anyone else. The director will rarely take the chance on you unless the role is described as "fat", "large", "big" or some other variation on that theme.

In 2007, I was cast in a great role in a TV miniseries, The Kill Point, starring John Leguizamo. I was thrilled, but each time my character was written into a scene, she was described in some mean, degrading manner : "the rotund Mrs. Sabian enters the room" and "the broad-sided Sabian woman begins to cry" there were several scenes where my character, her husband and child were introduced that way.  I had to read these heartless slams while trying to maintain my confidence at 3 auditions. Huge Mrs. Sabisn was cut before I ever got the contract. To be honest, I was just a little glad. I didn't want to be the "Side of Beef Sabian", no matter how much exposure, pay or residuals I'd receive. That's the part that really hurt though. Residuals are the bread and butter for any actor to survive. They come in handy during those very dry seasons.

A few years later, I was blessed with a smaller role in a TV series; Detroit 187, starring Michael Imperioli. As you can see, I was the fat, Mexican Construction Co. owner, Elena Liriano. I took the role. At least she wasn't described by her size. It helped. And so do the residuals.

Actors are masters of self-sabotaging, self-loathing and self-conscious behavior.  And those are just our happy thoughts on any given day! However, on really good days, a gifted actor stays open, curious and just vulnerable enough to deliver honest work. After that, it's out of our hands. 

Tom reminded me - "don't try to be the funniest person in the room before and after the audition! Just do the great job you are capable of, smile, shake their hands and leave! Too much enthusiasm can look desperate. You are a gorgeous woman. Don't think about size, age, your hair or what you're wearing! Go in there and knock their socks off!"  

Boy did he nail me on that one. I'm forever the 7 year old, tap dancing on the coffee table for grandma. Or any other human being who will notice.  LIKE ME! LIKE ME!! Fasten your seat belts while I MAKE YOU LIKE ME!!  It's exhausting. It's pointless. And I'm beginning to seriously question the legitimacy of anyone who would fall for that song and dance.

That reminds me: Ever hear the saying, Give me a child until he is 7 and I will give you the man? It's true. If you ever get a chance, look at the PBS series, 7 UP. It's a fascinating documentary that chronicles the lives of 14 kids, from "startlingly different backgrounds", every 7 years from the age of 7 to present day. It was produced and shot in England, beginning in 1964. I first saw the series about 20 years ago. Once you see these kids, you'll never forget them. A good part of each series is on YouTube. The latest one is 56 UP.  Here is Part 1 of 7 UP  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngSGIjwwc4U

Anyhow, It's very comforting to know that there is someone out there who knows me that well. Tom really does. He's a gift to me. He shared a number of other observations about how I go about dealing with disappointment, and again, he was dead on. I hope that you, whoever you are, are fortunate enough to have a friend like him. You can't have him, though. He's taken by me and select few other artists who he is generous enough to lend his friendship.

So, I suppose that today's blog post is a loving thank you note to him for giving me an insight into myself with the grace to know just how to deliver it - with unbridled love and respect.

He's on my side. Today, I realized how seldom I'd get to say that about anyone these days.

After the audition, I took a route home that went through my old neighborhood. I drove passed the duplex I lived in for 15 years. My dad was my next door neighbor there for about 6 years or so before he died. I've driven by there many times before over the past 12 years. I knew I would feel melancholy but this time I welled up just as I started to turn the corner. The snow was glistening, it was so quiet and beautiful. Every home looked exactly the same. It's a very sweet little street. It's short and shaped like a backward J, making it all the more quaint.  

It's astonishing how a familiar sight, smell or sound can conjure so much emotion, so instantly.

I'm glad I went. I said hello to the spirits holding the keys to those drafty old houses...along with some great memories.

Then I passed the house you see below. It always makes me smile. It's also my goal for the rest of my life... bright and shining PEACE.

If I could just figure out how to steal it without getting caught or breaking a hip.

Blog Entry #3

Some of what Lay's on my BIG ASS!

My big ass weakness for foods that are covered in salt or sugar knows no expiration date, so that means I cannot eat anything that my mother brings into my house.

My mom stays at my home at least 2 days per week, and with her comes no fewer than 5 green, Marc's shopping bags filled with one of her versions of love. Most of the time she takes whatever is left in these Green Monsters back home with her, but there is always one stray bag of something I shouldn't eat that gets left behind, which I eventually discover...like these Lay's chips. Most went into the trash, but plenty landed on my BIG ASS!

To your right are just a few of the bags my mom brings to my home.  How on earth she manages to LOSE weight as she gets older, I'll never understand, but she has the constitution of a 30 year old Viking. It almost makes me look forward to being 82.  

I BEG her not to bring these awful, sugary, salty, gooey, crunchy, nutty, salty, fruity, chocolaty, nougaty, caramely, moist, creamy, glazed, frosted, filled, dipped, fried and sometimes “fat free” temptations into my home. She can't do it. It's my crack and she's my dealer.  Look at her! Who could resist that sweet, innocent face?  She charges me room and board for the time it takes to empty the bag. One week later she's back again with her stash. I now have to do a SWAT surveylance after her visits. I don't believe in guns, so I use the extension claw that my Aunt Eva left behind after she passed away. Hey, I'm 5'4". Unless you have my resume. Then, I'm 5'5".

I am at my mother's house right now and she is making tenderloin steaks, broccoli, salad, (great so far), and ORIDA FROZEN FRIES that will be my 2nd undoing in 24 hours if I give in.  And for those of you saying “just have a few!” I laugh manically in your eyebrow-raised-I-have-all-of-the-answers, face!

There is no such thing as “a few” in the food addicted Zarzour bunker. It's all or nothing because the war is raging in Europe and we have to eat ALL of our rations no matter how old they are!

See that bag of Krispy Kreme donuts to the left? I mean, do you know anyone else on the planet who actually uses that label strip on their Glad Bags? Oh stop it. You do not! But now you can say "Oh yeah, Jean's mom does that!" Mom says she's "a little OCD". It's ironic that it's called a DISORDER when the people who do this want anything BUT disorder and their attempt to be orderly becomes a disorder.  *weary sigh*.

Depression era babies cannot get enough food in their cupboards, frig's, basement pantry's or anywhere else they can stow it. My dad did  the same thing. I say,"it's their fallout shelter and they can hoard if they want to" - Just not where I can sniff it out, OK?

I'm home now, enjoying (not at all) a bowl of celery, carrot and red pepper strips to stave off the late night munchies as I write the last of today's entry.   Later today, I will watch the President take his oath of office for a second term. As they swear him in, I, Jean-Marie Zarzour, will solemnly swear to faithfully execute anyone who leaves junk food at my home and to stay away from my mom's Green Monsters filled with the equivalent of a one night stand in the form of junk food.  So help me God. Or Jenny Craig.

Blog Entry #2

WOOHOO! Another 2 days, another lb and a trip to the BIGkini undies drawer!

You know those bikini undies that are shaped like bikinis but bigger than anything you'll ever see on a Victoria's Secret model? A friend came up with a great name for big girl underwear- Victoria's BIG Secret. Gotta love it.

I know it may seem premature, but I feel better already being 3 lbs. lighter in just 3 days. Shut up! I DO! I am wearing the bigkinis that I bought a few years ago, but haven't worn because they couldn't negotiate their way around my muffin top. "Above or Under!??" cried the poor leopard panties. "I CAN'T DECIDE! PUT ME BACK IN THE DRAWER YOU CRUEL BITCH!" So, I did. Don't be alarmed. When you live alone, lots of things talk to you so you don't go crazy. Take your time with that one. Eventually, it'll make sense.

Last night at about 5am (trying to ween myself off of Sominex. It's not working.) I downloaded my new conscience: My Fitness Pal, as recommended by Carol Gerace Martinsen. And may I say how moved and excited I am about all of the support I've received on fb. I am working on a way to make all of those soulful connections live and in person some day. Until then, there is nothing more powerful than the "Go Girls" and "You are beautiful inside and out" comments fueling my effort to keep on keepin' on. I heart you all.

Back to the food tracking: I love that you can find every single food brand on this app and compile your weekly intake, meal by meal, and every single thing that you are doing to aid your weight loss. Weight Watchers offers the same thing for a fee. I like this fee way mo bettah! It makes it easier to spend lots of money on fresh fruits and vegis that are out of season and getting more expensive every day. I also count the tracking activity as aerobic exercise! It takes A LOT of effort to input a lie and then go back and tell the truth about my daily meals. I mean WHO am I lying to? UHM -  MYSELF! So, no more lying on the My Fitness Pal app. It's worth the very short time it takes to input what you put in every day - especially if you don't have to do it TWICE!

I also re-ordered the Raspberry Ketones that I bought a year ago but never took consistently. It's another healthy, Dr. Oz recommended supplement that eats the fat that you eat.  I imagine little pac-men enjoying my ingested meat loaf and mashed potatoes (today's dinner). I loved it and they will too!

Part of my dilemma is that I am a pretty phe-frickin-nomenal cook! I really know how to take just about anything and make it something delish. That's a real blessing - if you're naturally thin. What I love almost as much as eating my own cuisine, is watching others eat it. I have a friend who laughs when we eat together because I moan, and mmmmmmm and aaaaaahhhh at every bite. I also do that when I get up, sit down, walk, climb stairs and put on my BIGkinis! Let's just say that I want to take all that moaning out of my dinner table, hips and knees etc, to my....OTHER room! ; P 

I have 354 calories remaining for the day. I plan to spend it with my fresh pomagranet seeds, mandarin oranges and cottage cheese! I had that last night. It's deeeeliiiiiisssshhh and filling.

Bon Apetite Ya'll!

Blog Entry #1

If you're reading this I assume you already know me and don't need some long story about how being Lebanese American made me fat. If you don't know me, that's the whole story. Being Lebanese American made me fat.  The same goes for anyone who is Italian American, Greek American, French American, Lithuanian American and your ethnicity here American. The citizens of most other countries are typically NOT fat. It's the American part that gets us.

Lamb kabobs, tabbouleh, fresh green beans and rice are not meant to be followed by Little Debbie Twinkies! And ya know what? Taking them off the market is patronizing bullshit at this stage of the game.

TV dinners, Lipton soup with grilled American cheese, pot pies and city chicken were also Zarzour family favorites, but I promise you that I don't blame my parents for any of my current weight challenges. It's the way it was, and would still be if I had my way. I LOVE those foods and probably always will (accept the TV dinners. I was even a little skeptical at age 6)  Miraculously, I was a very healthy, well proportioned woman for the first 40ish years of my life. I worked out for fun and profit. I taught everything from dance to movement classes and anything in between that was fitness related, from England to Cleveland.  I was a rock! I had an athletes body with a careless mind. I was a vegetarian for about a month back in the 80's but gave that up along with the man who suggested it.

So, like yours, my life's had it's ups and downs. Where my weight is concerned, it's been mostly up. I've gained 60 lbs in the past 9 years, even with great aerobic jobs like Menopause: The Musical for 2 years. None of that hollerin' and hoofin' counter acted the enormous amount of chocolate and post show dinners we (6 female actors) consumed. We were encouraged to eat big to stay at a minimum of size 12 (never thought of that as PLUS sized, but there you go) Our generous producers plied us with chocolate covered everything and we all devoured it. I bit Paula Kline-Messners chocolate covered finger once by accident. Or was it?

Yep, 60 lbs later and I haven't looked back, unless it was to see "What the hell keeps following me?!" Only to discover it was my BIG ASS!

I hate being over weight, mostly because I feel so undesirable to every part of my world; personally and professionally. What? you thought I was going to say "because it's bad for my health"? Sure that's true, but let's get real, as much as I'd love to feel the way I did at 20, I need more love and more work at my current, sage age.

So, here I am. 53 7/8 years old, with a few unhappy relationships, lots of acting/teaching jobs that I'm proud of and many lame diet attempts that I am NOT proud of - but not defeated!

Why am I reporting this so publicly? Because there is a lot more to this "experiment". I have been a thin "hotty" and a fat "sweaty" and while I know it shouldn't matter, I know which is better for me mind, body and soul. I want to share my experience in order to reach out to other men and women in my position in hopes that we all come to finally say "I'm worth the effort".

When I was younger and thinner I'd hear wolf whistles and shout outs like "Hey baby! Let ME give you a workout!" among other "compliments". In the past few years I've been called a "fat bitch" by angry drivers, "a lot of woman" by men twice my size, and told "honey, it isn't your personality that keeps you from dating. It's your weight!" by a family member. These comments have been great reasons to say F__K YOU to all of them, while biting into a corned beef sandwich. With mustard. Maybe horseradish. Definitely fries. I also worked a lot more back then. OK, maybe being thinner would not trump my old age, but I don't think so. I think I would land many more gigs at a smaller size. There just aren't that many roles for larger, middle aged women. Being middle aged is tough enough.

I read Fat Is A Feminist Issue back in the 70's, when I was thin. I got it intellectually, but NOW I get it in my bones and lots of fleshy parts. If you haven't read it. Do. It's still very relevant. There is much more complexity to keeping weight on than there is in putting it on in the first place.

So, if you are like me, struggling to keep your identity, dignity, femininity and sense of humor in good health, I hope you'll follow “Jean's Big Ass Blog!” regardless of your size. It's a way to keep ME accountable/self aware and YOU relating, laughing, crying and then laughing again.

2 days ago, I started taking Green Coffee Bean extract introduced by my new boyfriend, Dr. Oz.  I weighed myself when I started and I can report that as of this morning I lost 2 pounds! I have only seen this sort of result with juicing, which I plan to start again.  (for those interested, I bought 2 bottles of the Nutrigold brand on Amazon. At $28.00 per bottle of 90, it was the best price for one with the Svetol brand ingredient) If I stay on this path of weight loss, exercise is sure to follow. Maybe not the way I used to, but some is better than none at all.

Signing off for now. I have a date with a pot of turmeric tea. It's great for regulating your glycemic index (ya know - yo Sugah!) and it tastes not-so-completely-horrible if you add a mint tea bag to it. MMMMMM!