Blog Entry #13, 1 year later For GiGi
Happy 2014, everyone! I hope this is our best year ever.
The last time I wrote it was February 27, 2013. At that time I shared my concern about my friend David Black, in the last days of his life with cancer. He passed away a month later, right around St. Patrick's Day. Perfect for that Irish lad. I hope he celebrated with a giant glass of Irish whiskey (though I know it was more likely a great, aged scotch) I'd known David for over 30 years. He was my brother David's best friend. So, he was like a brother to me. I miss him and can't believe he's gone.
Happy 2014, everyone! I hope this is our best year ever.
The last time I wrote it was February 27, 2013. At that time I shared my concern about my friend David Black, in the last days of his life with cancer. He passed away a month later, right around St. Patrick's Day. Perfect for that Irish lad. I hope he celebrated with a giant glass of Irish whiskey (though I know it was more likely a great, aged scotch) I'd known David for over 30 years. He was my brother David's best friend. So, he was like a brother to me. I miss him and can't believe he's gone.
I lost a few friends and acquaintances last year. One friend I'd known since grade school and reconnected with in 2005. That loss hurt the most. Gigi was a grade school friend that I had reconnected with about 10 years ago. After 30 years, she saw me in a commercial and knew it was me. Gigi had 6 kids, a great husband and big, beautiful home that went with her big, beautiful heart and even bigger smile! She was a joy and our reconnection after all of those years made our childhood friendship feel much closer than it actually was. We delighted in being together, reminiscing like those little girls at St. Martin of Tours School.
As adults, our lives could not have been more different. She had a husband and huge family and I had no mate and 2 small cats. So, naturally we went in and out of touch since 2005. At Christmas time 2012, I decided to call her and her number was disconnected. I had a bad feeling because she had just been diagnosed with Lymphoma in 2006 and we hadn't been in touch since 2007. I held my breath and did an obituary check on Cleveland.com and sure enough, GiGi had passed 5 years ago. 5 YEARS AGO???!!! How is it possible that we had not been in touch again in all this time?! And why didn't her husband call to tell me she died?!
I can't remember when I've cried harder. I felt so sad, guilty and angry with myself. I can't think about her without crying. There are a dozen reasons why people lose contact, but no amount of logic could be of comfort. I was as stunned by how long it had been since we saw each other as I was about the fact that she died.
Was I in a coma over the past 7 years? Did I damage too many brain cells with all the pot I smoked in the 70's and 80's? How did this huge gap in time happen without my noticing? Where did I drop the ball, or more accurately, how could I have dropped interest in how she was doing with her cancer? Can I really call it denial? My self-punishing nature can't bare to give myself that much slack. Surely I'm just a self-absorbed, shamefully lazy person. I would rather have been in a coma.
I scoured my house and the internet for pics of her and did a lot of Facebook creeping to see her kids all grown up, graduating from college, the oldest daughter with a small child of her own, the youngest a soccer star at university. It's hard to see them so much older than when we first met. Another painful reminder of the passing of time.
Life can be cruel. I can't get a redo on my friendship with GiGi. How I wish I could. All I can do is use that experience as a lesson. I can't cure any one's illness, but I can hold their hand and make them laugh or make them dinner or any thing they desire, while we are together.
It's really not asking too much to be there for a friend in pain; whether physical or emotional. The important, most healing part, is to simply BE there. That's all. And it's really all you have power over.
I love and miss you, Gloria (GiGi) Smith. Please forgive me. Love - Jeannie
